


Those Three (Other) Words

by KnightOfDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean says I love you in the only way he knows how, Declarations Of Love, Drunk Sam, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Praying to Castiel, Sappy Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:21:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5596132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightOfDestiel/pseuds/KnightOfDestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>''How long?''</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>''Does it matter?''</em>
</p>
<p>A New Year's Kiss gone wrong leads to a long over-due declaration of love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Three (Other) Words

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year's Eve, guys! Here's some fluff for you. Enjoy!

"Sam, I’m not arguing over human customs with you! "Castiel snapped in exasperation. "I’m just saying that I find it rather… _peculiar_ that humans spend the last hour of a year watching a disco ball drop."

" ‘s not a disco ball," the younger Winchester slurred, knocking back what remained in his tumbler, almost choking on the last swig of whiskey due to his compromising position of being sprawled aimlessly over the couch.

"Dude," Dean interjected, who up until now had been sitting idly by as an obviously intoxicated Sam tried (and failed miserably) to inform Cas of some of the human customs during New Years, while the angel every once and a while shot a desperate glance towards him in a plea for help, which Dean just happened to look away at the exact time. "You’ve got to admit, it’s a disco ball. But, it’s a kick ass disco ball," he added, turning back to Cas. He continued," I mean, it’s not as if anyone is actually looking at it, anyways."

Cas tipped his head to the side, the same way he always did when he was pondering something over. "What are they looking at then?"

Dean shrugged. "The back of their eyelids, probably. Unless they’re one of those weird people who kiss with their eyes open." He shuttered. "That’s just creepy."

"I don’t understand,"Cas said, wearing a slight frown that Dean was almost sure that he was unconscious of. "Why would they be kissing?"

Dean couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped him. Sometimes he forgot that Cas was so oblivious to certain human things. Things that came naturally to most well… _people_. But then, Cas wasn’t just any person. Actually he wasn’t any person but you get the jist of it. The point was the angel hadn’t the slightest clue of most human things so it was obvious that someone would have to teach him. And Dean would gladly take it upon him to teach Cas anything he wanted to learn; plus a few things Dean might just throw in there as a bonus. After all, it didn’t hurt anyone if they knew how to…

"Kiss!" Sam’s voice cut off his entire train of thought that had him blushing. Hopefully the lighting in the living room was dark enough to conceal his flushed appearance that was sure to make his random spatter of freckles across the bridge of his nose stand out. Damn his geneology.

"When the ball drops, it’s tradition for people to kiss as a good start to the New Year." He paused, glancing over to the remains of the bottle of whiskey that sat on the coffee table. " Unless you don’t have anyone to kiss, of course. That’s why I’ll be making out with this one right here," he said with a grin as he picked up the bottle. "We’ll be making memories tonight, alright!"

Dean rolled his eyes, leaning closer to Cas; who had been oddly quiet for the past few minutes. "Fuckin’ lightweight," he muttered into the angel’s ear.

Cas gave a start, blinking a few times before turning towards the elder Winchester. "Sorry, Dean. I uh, wasn’t paying attention. Did you…say something?"

Dean groaned. "Come on man, you best be not be getting drunk too! You’ve only had two glasses, and we haven’t even gotten to the good stuff yet."

Cas shook his head. "No no, as I said I was just…thinking."  
Dean raised an eyebrow. "About?" The angel was acting strange , to say the least, making Dean anxious. After the whole losing and re-gaining his Grace from Metatron fiasco, plus his latest PTSD issues(which Cas hadn't even brought up yet; he didn't hide his emotions as well as he thought, which made Dean's gut wrench in guilt as he tried to think about what might have gotten the angel scared this bad before realizing it could literally be just about anything anymore, what with the Darkness, Rowena's spell, _him_ ), Dean had tried to pay extra attention to Cas lately. Perhaps it was just his guilty concience, (though Dean already knew that wasn't the entire story. Not that anyone knew that.)

" _Fourteen seconds_!" Sam’s slurred voice cut the angel off before he had a chance to reply.

Dean’s face broke into a grin, forgetting his conversation with Cas at least temporarily. "Alright, let’s see that ugly ass ball drop! "

_''In Ten!''_ The announcer's cheerful voice filled the room. The silver ball on the screen slowly but surely began to drop, to which a very annoying, very _drunk_ Sam cheered at obnoxiously.

'' _Nine!''_ Dean send a quick prayer to...well he wasn't really sure who; that this year would somehow be _better._ That the could somehow stuff Amara back to where she came from, finally ridding the Earth of the Darkness for good. No blood, no death, no sacrifice. Just... _better._

_''Eight!"_ Dean shot a quick glance around the room, making sure everyone had enough in their glasses for a toast. Might as well do one thing right, and what a better time than the beginning of the year.

_Seven!''_ 2016\. Goddamn, they were getting old. _Time to start thinking of retirement?_ Dean inwardly scoffed to himself at the thought.

'' _Six!"_ They'd been on the road for _eleven years._ Cas had been with them for _seven._

'' _Five!''_ Glancing over at his brother and angel, he found himself wondering what they were thinking of at this exact moment. Sam was staring in some sort of excited trance at the screen, clutching his beloved bottle of whiskey to his chest. _If he actually kisses the bottle, I'm never letting it go,_ Dean swore to himself.

'' _Four!" Cas._ The angel's demeanor posed that he must be deep in thought. Thinking about what, Dean had no idea but didn't wish that he knew; the angel's eyes were narrowed in concentration but never dulled the almost unnatural flare of blue of his gaze that Dean found himself entranced by. He found his lips twitching unconciously into a soft smile as he examined the angel's face; and then blushed as he realized he was staring.

'' _Three!" Goodbye, 2015. It wasn't nice knowing you. In fact, you really sucked ass._

_''Two!"_ It just happened to cross Dean's mind about what Sam had said earlier. _Ah, oh well. He didn't need to kiss anyone anyways._ Even if he was, it wouldn't be _meaningful._ Just a heat of the moment meeting of lips, trying to replicate the tradition with someone they wouldn't give a damn about in the morning. _And he sure as hell wasn't about to mack on a liquor bottle; thank you very much, Sam._

_''One!" I've never had a New Years kiss,_ Dean realized. At least, not a real one. Not with someone he cared about, someone he lo- _Oh no, we're not using that word._ Someone he... _nee-_

_''HAPPY NEW YEAR!''_ Sam cheered, though unfourtantely didn't actually lay one on the bottle.

He chuckled, none the less.''Happy New Ye- _mmph_!'' He was cut off by the dry press of chapped lips against his. Eyes snapping open, he caught the split-second glimpse of unmistakable sex-hair before the contact was broken all together; leaving him face to face with a very flustered, very nervous-looking Castiel.

''I -''Dean trailed off, at a complete loss for words. His brain must of short-circuited by now as his mind could _not_ put a single goddamn sentence together because _the Angel of the Fucking Lord, Castiel, the one who pulled him out of Hell, the one who he had beaten bloody and he him, his best friend(_ or _something_ ) _had just_ kissed him.

Obviously taking to long to respond, Cas must have taken it as a rejection(but was he rejecting him? _What the fuck is happening?),_ as he looked away, staring at the floor; those (beautiful) baby blues dull for the first time that Dean could ever remember. ''I...apologize, Dean. That was a mistake.''Dean's brain still couldn't _form a fucking word_ as he stood there, eyes wide and cheeks flushed(with what, exactly?) _Say something, dammit!_ he snapped at himself, silently damning his stupid brain. ''I- excuse me.'' With that the angel removed himself promptly from the room, leaving an intoxicated Sam(who seemed completely oblivious as to the series of events that had just occurred, thank whoever the fuck is up there) and a very bewildered Dean who hadn't the slightest clue of what to do now.

* * *

He found Cas 17 minutes later in the room across the hall from him and Sam's. They had given it to him only a few weeks ago; now that Cas was almost permanantly cut off from Heaven he had been spending almost all of his time at the Bunker; researching for them when they were stumped on a hunt that he didn't accompany them himself that time. The room before it was assigned to Cas was little more than a skeleton with only the essentials; one shelf, one bathroom, one bed. Now, while it appeared almost the exact same as it had been claimed at, Dean couldn't help but notice that somehow it seemed more... _home-y._

Or maybe it was just because Cas was sitting in it.

He gave a quiet knock at the door, though he could have just walked right in(it was open anyways), Dean wanted to do this right. ...Whatever _this_ was. The speech that he had rehearsed in his head only minutes before had completely evaporated from his brain.

Cas glanced up from whatever he had been staring at before, realizing who it was before looking away again. ''Dean,''he greeted.

Dean slowly stepped into the room, taking a seat beside Castiel on the bed, feeling the mattress tip and groan under his added weight. They sat in a rather uncomfortable silence for a few moments; a thousand words lingering in their heads that threatened to spill loose like a broken dam, words that needed to be spoken, had been for years, but neither ever knew just exactly how to start.

''How long?''Dean murmured, no louder than a whisper that could barely be made out over the constant drone of the heater, but he was certain that Cas had heard him. _He always heard him._

''Does it matter?''Castiel snapped, refusing to meet Dean's searching gaze. Dean's heart wrenched painfully at the angel's broken tone. He hadn't any idea how much he truly meant to him until this very moment, never let himself for a _second_ to just _think_. Every prayer, every punch, every self-sacrifical act that left them at each other's throats; instead of stopping to let themselves see _what exactly_ they had begun to feel for each other, Dean let all the bad bury what had been staring him in the face all this time. The 'profound bond', ditching the civil war in Heaven that he was desperately needed in just to save Dean's sorry ass yet again, losing his entire army against Metatron all because he could never bring himself to hurt Dean. Rebelling against everything he believed in because he believed in _him._ Dean had forced himself to become blind to everything the angel did for him; because he could never bear the thought of another person actually caring for someone, for _something_ as fucked up as him.

_So yes, it mattered. More than anything._

''...I think for me it was after the whole Leviathan thing I finally started to figure it out,''Dean began, watching the angel glance up ever so slightly, eyes narrowing in whether curiousity or confusion Dean didn't know. The corners of his eyes crinkled ever so slightly and at that moment Dean wanted nothing more than to kiss the delicate lines away.

''I mean- obviously I never admitted it to myself, that maybe, just maybe I had started to realize that I had begun to think of you as more than a friend. I mean, you were an angel, for fuck's sake. And angel's didn't have feelings.'' Or, that was what he had thought at the time. Obviously, he had been never more wrong on the matter. ''But then you came back and I had finally begun to...accept the fact that I felt _things._ For you. Things that I had never really felt before. And...and it scared me, Cas.'' He took a moment to pause to take in the holy sight of the angel that stared at him with those iridescent blue orbs that never quite seemed _human._ In his entire speech so far, Cas had not spoken once; he didn't need to, as it was his eyes that gave away every single emotion running through his head. In the lighting, it almost appeared that they had begun to glow ever so slightly as they pinned Dean to the spot; or perhaps it was just Dean's imagination, he didn't care either way. _He was beautiful._

''So, I hid my feelings the traditional Winchester way. Covering up my real emotions with anger. I lashed out at you, Cas.'' Dean gave a sad smile, staring down at the oak flooring, feeling the loss of eye contact like a physical punch to the gut as he longed to stare into that endless blue that you could drown in; the mere sight alone simaltaneously making him feel like he was both flying and falling . ''I had no idea how to act around you and so I fell back on my default settings. And I'm sorry for that, I really am. It was a time where you needed us the most and I let you down.'' _Just like I let everyone down._

_''_ I think it was Purgatory where I finally let myself _feel._ Hell, it was probably the worst place to finally realize that I -''he broke off, choking on his words. He cleared his throat, resenting his paranoia over uttering _those words_. ''-For you. I had to find you, Cas. Get you out of there. And then, when I found you, for the first time in a very long time I felt at peace. It was like coming home.''

Daring to glance up for a mere moment, he caught Cas's eyes that had not once left his face as he began his speech. Those same eyes kept him pinned down now; exhilarating and enrapturing. It was only then that he realized that he was rambling horribly, forcing a strained laugh through the binding confines of his ribcage that right now was the only thing keeping his heart from leaping out of his chest. ''Fuck, Cas. You know I'm terrible at expressing myself, and I'm just going on and on now. What I'm trying to say is that I-'' _Fuck, I- I can't say it._

So he changed the words he couldn't bare to speak out loud to words that held the most sacred meaning between the angel and the man. In all of the hundreds of thousands of words in the English language; past, present and future, in that moment Dean only knew three. _'' I need you_ , _Cas_. More than I've ever known. ''

Cas was silent for what seemed like hours. Dean began to let the panic creep in. _Oh god, did I just completely fuck everything up? Does he not feel the same? Maybe he kissed me just because he wanted to follow a tradition. Fuck, I've screwed up!_

Finally, after a lifetime the angel spoke. His words were soft, voice cracking ever so slightly at the end. ''You have me, Dean. You've always had me.''

And then Dean kissed him.

Perhaps it was minutes, perhaps it was hours(neither of them knew except that is was all too soon for all the time in the future wasn't enough; could never be enough) that they finally broke their embrace. Dean rested his forehead against the angel's, staring into the depthless holy blue as he prayed, _I love you._

And to which the angel replied, _I know._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are seriously appreciated.
> 
> (I may end up doing a part-two to this with a little bit of smut but I'm not sure yet so stay tuned just in case.)


End file.
